Issued Quarterly

March 2004

STILLWATER - Thousands of families across the country, including many from Oklahoma, are dealing with the impact of military service. 

Although getting ready for deployment can be stressful for everyone in the family, it is important to take note of the impact this can have on young children, said Debbie Richardson, Oklahoma Cooperative Extension Service child development specialist. 

“When a parent is deployed it can be stressful and confusing for children. Taking the time to make a memory box before a parent leaves for active service is just one way parents can help their children deal with the situation,” Richardson said. “Include items that can help the child feel close to his or her mom or dad when the parent is away. Be sure to let the child pick out the items to include in the box. It can include a favorite stuffed animal, photographs or other special items.” 

It can be difficult for young children to understand the concept of time, but it is very important to help a child understand how long a parent will be gone. Set up a calendar together and number the days until the anticipated return of the parent. 

Richardson said parents and children also can make a paper chain and take one link off each day to mark the passage of the days. 

“Maintaining the family’s normal routine can help make sure the child feels safe and more secure,” she said.  “Family rituals such as bedtime stories or mealtime routines should continue in an effort to create a sense of family and build a feeling of connection and predictability. The parent who is being deployed can make a tape recording of bedtime stories, favorite songs or other message to help bridge the miles.” 

Try to be as up front as possible about the deployment when the child asks questions. Facts can help take away the fear of the unknown. It is a good idea to share some details about the deployment.

“Children find comfort in knowing what the parent will be doing, where the parent is going, what will change and what will stay the same,” Richardson said. “An open line of communication is vital and invites the child to express his or her feelings and ask questions. Answer the questions simply and use language that is appropriate for the child’s age.”

Be sure to let the child know that his or her feelings are important and normal. Some children may opt to draw pictures as a way to express their feelings.

Children also can play a role in helping the parent prepare for deployment, such as packing. “This can help the child feel less fearful about what is going to happen,” she said. “It also provides the opportunity for the parent and child to bond even more. While the situation may not be an easy one, being open and honest with your child will help ensure the child understands the situation and will deal easier with the deployment.” 

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