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Implication for
Cooperative extension Service
About 50 percent of marriages across the country end in divorce. The divorce rate in
If
you are married and having constant conflicts over money, time, kids, sex,
in-laws, socks or under-wear dropped on the floor, or fight for countless other
reasons and think divorce is the magic cure for these conflicts, you might be
wrong. Remember: what goes around tends to come around! Several studies and reports from the US
Centers for Disease Control indicate that those who are divorced have more
physical and mental illnesses, and die earlier than those who remain
married. As for children of divorced
parents, behavioral as well as learning problems, school failures, school
drop-out, and an overall difficulty in social adjustment usually follow these
children even into adult lives. Couples who stick together and work hard on
making their marriages work, are healthier, wealthier, wiser, better adjusted,
live longer and contribute more to society.
Children of married couples generally enjoy better health, are more
likely to be emotionally
and
socially adjusted, and more likely to succeed in school.
Despite
the good news that marriage and love can be “good medicine” for families, about
50% of marriages across the country tend to end in divorce. The physical, emotional, and financial burden
associated with divorce hurts individual families and communities across the
country. Three-quarter of divorce suits
are initiated by women who tend to experience more financial hardship after the
divorce than men.
high
divorce rate.
This
educational article will identify some factors that contribute to marital
distress and eventual divorce, the effect of divorce, and provide suggestions
to prevent divorces.
Factors
that contribute to divorce can be divided into three categories: individual,
couple, and contextual:
- Individual factors or
traits include: general impulsiveness and a tendency to hurriedly marry
because of the “love at first sight, or before someone else gets there”,
low self esteem, depression, poor communication skills, neurotic
behaviors, anger/hostility proneness, dysfunctional beliefs about
marriage, e.g. my spouse will be the same or better than my father,
mother, former lover, or getting a divorce will be the solution to my
marital problems.
- Couple factors
include: dissimilarity, short pre-marital acquaintance; premarital sex–
especially having a lot of experiences with several partners, premarital
pregnancy, cohabitation, poor communication skills and lack of
conflict-resolution skills.
- Context or factors
surrounding the marriage include:
young age at marriage, family-of-origin, parental divorce or
chronic marital conflict, parental or friends’ disapproval, pressure to
marry, little education, cultural acceptance of divorce, ease of obtaining
a divorce and lack of premarital education.
Factors
that contribute to marital satisfaction
and
longevity are also divided into individual,
couple
and contextual.
- Individual traits
include, high self esteem, flexibility and ability to welcome or adapt to
change and newer situations, assertiveness and sociability.
- Couple traits include:
Similarity, long acquaintanceship prior to marriage, good communication
and conflict resolution skills and styles.
- Context factors
include: being older before marriage, healthy family-of-origin
experiences, happy parental marriage, parental and friends approval,
significant education and career preparation.
Preventing
divorces: Premarital education should be considered the most valuable “marriage
gift” for those thinking about marriage or the newlyweds. Educations should emphasize the following:
- Communication and
conflict-resolution skills;
- Marriage Realities:
all marriages have periods of conflict; it is learning to handle the
conflicts that make the difference between successful and unsuccessful
marriages.
- Respect for each other
is important; love declines and grows depending on how it is nourished.
- Share feelings and
dreams, as well as successes and frustration, and view love and
marriage-success as a journey rather than a destination.
- If your love is
declining because of unresolved conflict, hang in there and explore better
ways of resolving the conflict or adapting to it.
- If you must complain
to your spouse, avoid attacks or criticism, describe what bothers you and
suggest how you would like it done.
Divorce
is never a solution to unresolved conflicts. Remember: what goes around comes
around; if you stick together, your family will likely be healthier, wiser and
contribute more to your community and humanity. Avoid a divorce and stick to
your man or woman; it pays in the long-run!
References:
1. State of
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